25 lessons I’ve learnt about being a woman in the last 25 years
(Some of which I wish I'd known sooner)
Last week, I turned 25, and so naturally, it felt only right to share some of my so-called quarter-life-century “wisdom.” Apologies in advance…
You don’t ask, you don’t get. Simple.
Don’t bother trying to connect to WiFi on the Tube. After frantically tapping 'EE Wifi Auto' in vain, by the time it finally connects, you’ll be speeding off to the next station, adding unnecessary frustration to your morning commute. Even worse, when you finally get through, you'll have no time to reply before the signal cuts out again—leaving your hot date thinking you've "read and rejected" their message.
If you can’t afford to get your nails done every other week, it’s fine. Just accept you’ll look far less shit together than everyone else in your work meeting.
Vodka is disgusting. And anyone who says it tastes nice is lying (unless they have masked it with ginger beer or it’s an espresso martini). People only drink it to get seriously drunk and it's not fun. On that note, drinking yourself into oblivion won’t solve anything. It might numb the pain for a few hours, but come morning, your anxiety will be ten times worse when you wake up not knowing who you spoke to, what you said, how you got home, and, worst of all, wondering why there’s a pile of sick in the corner of your bedroom.
You have never met everyone you are meant to meet in the world. Friends come at different stages in life and have different purposes so don’t ever shut down an opportunity to meet someone who could have a huge impact on your life.
Don’t spend your whole time filming a concert. You will never watch all the footage back.
Credit: Alamy When you can’t sleep at night because you are overthinking everything, try sitting up and shouting at yourself—yes, out loud—that you're being ridiculous and that everything will be okay. Often we don’t always have a friend or partner to share a problem with in the middle of the night, but it’s incredible how quickly your worries can fade once you say them out loud (big thanks to one of my best friends for this one).
It is important to take breaks from social media and be inaccessible for a bit; being constantly "on" can quickly lead to burnout. Lock away your phone while you're working; it's always when you're about to get creative that you'll find yourself reaching for it.
Spontaneous nights out are the best. Never book a club night two months in advance; you probably won’t be in the mood or will be feeling rundown and would rather have a night in and a takeaway instead.
Mother does know best—she’s likely been there, done that and got the #womanhood t-shirt, so it's worth taking note of her advice. And her hammy downs. But your dad is just as important. He’ll teach you some of the most invaluable lessons in life, such as how to value yourself and demand respect in relationships, always be your number one supporter, and, most importantly, how to ride a bike.
On the whole, school is a lot of fun with few worries so embrace every opportunity. Play that musical instrument because it brings you joy, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise - I wish I hadn’t given up the piano because older girls told me it was uncool and that I’d be better off spending my practice time going on “walks” with boys. Be proud of being the “science geek” or the “strong” girl; don’t let labels hold you back from owning who you are. It’s easy to let the pressure of fitting in steer you away from your passions, but those things that make you different are often the ones that people will be most envious of later on.
Walking around without headphones in is liberating. You will catch snippets of fascinating conversations, hear parakeets tweeting or maybe even have a brief interaction with a lovely stranger. We're all so accustomed to being plugged in all the time that we often miss out on these small but lovely moments.
You are not going to have your dream job by 25. But why would you want to when you have all your life ahead of you?
Everyone should go travelling on their own. You will laugh, cry and grow in ways you never expected. It’s an experience that forces you to reflect on who you are while recharging parts of you that have been quietly running on empty and along the way, you’ll meet people who feel like strangers and friends all at once. Although at times you might feel lonely, it's a little bit life-changing.
A walk cures everything—whether you're hungover, anxious, upset, want to avoid intense eye contact on a date, or need to release some pent-up anger, it’s the solution.
Your relationship status does not define your worth. There is nothing more lonely than being in the wrong relationship, so don’t force it. But when you find the right person, they will become your biggest ally. The best love language is when someone is so clear and direct that your mind never has to fill in the blanks.
The best place for inspiration is a bookshop and the greatest gift you can give someone is a book.
Everyone is just pretending to know what they are doing. We often forget that, for our bosses, parents and friends, it’s their first time navigating life, too. Confidence is key.
Learn to sew because it is a waste of money going to get a button replaced on your dress.
Podcasts are great for boosting your mental health. They can help take your mind off things, enable you to learn new things about others and yourself, and offer a sense of community, making you feel less alone.
Not very original, I know, but How To Fail by Elizabeth Day will forever be my favourite comfort podcast Don’t shave your hands and arms. It will grow back thicker and faster and you do not need to be hairless.
Some things in life just don’t make sense, and that’s okay—like how we hesitate to touch the handrail on the Tube because others have, yet we’ll happily share a toilet seat with a complete stranger.
Your female friendships will teach you more about life than any A-level exam, self-help book or university seminar ever will. They will show you how to love unconditionally, how to persevere when times are tough and, most importantly, how to put a tampon in correctly (the first time I used one with an applicator, I thought you were meant to put the plastic up there too). My girls are what shape me and make me the person I am today. They push me to be my best self and keep me on track.
If you truly want to know how someone is feeling, ask, “How are you?” then pause and ask again, “Really?” It’s the best way to get more than just a "fine."
A sunset drink is always a good idea.
Bali ones are the best (2019 quality btw)
P.S. Don’t stand in the queue to get on a flight; it won’t leave without you if you're in the boarding area.